Does anyone know how to make this my ringtone?

This dude is a total Chode...

You've got to be kidding me...

Not a lot of talk this post, just a lot of video...I hope this first video is not serious

This might go down in history as the best thing a fan (who happens to be the ref of the game) has ever done for his team.



This is ridiculous, and this man should be elected "You Tube Chair" in Barack's office.



For those of you who haven't seen this actual music video...get ready. Nothing says creey like a red head dancing around in a trench coat.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Yu_moia-oVI

Useless Stuff I Found Today...

WHO NEEDS GOLF?

Via the mann (Josh Mann), I was made aware the Jon Daly has been soiling his pants via alcohol.

Jon Daly was escorted out of a North Carolina Hooter's restaurant (which ironically has been one of his, I'm sure proud, sponsor's since 8/05) last night after he passed out after hours of drinking. The paramedics tried to assist him but he said "f*&$ you guys, I've drank a lot more than that." (I think he said that at least)

The cops took him in for a "24-Hour sober up," period.

He looks pretty good, no?




HOW HAS THIS NOT SURFACED?

For those of you who didn't know already, there is a former Ms. Alaska running for VP of America and she is pretty hot. I don't know how videos of her swimming suit part of the competition haven't surfaced yet....oh wait they just did.

Should Game 5 of the World Series Have Been Played?

Yes.

Should Bud Selig have made the decision to play nine innings? Yes.

Could the game have been handled better? You bet your ascot.

In my opinion there two mistakes, one a major one, mistake that was made that could have possibly changed the entire outcome of this world series.

I'm sure you're all intelligent human beings and have figured out the big mistake I'm talking about already...the sixth inning.

The bottom line is that it shouldn't have happened at all. It makes game 5 unfair. I don't care how bad you want to play nine innings of baseball, it shouldn't occur in a monsoon. Bud Selig made a horrible decision to continue playing this game into the sixth inning. We were already at an even point in the game; each team had hit through fifteen outs, each team had defended fifteen outs. The field was a ridiculous sight. There were divits the size of my head near second and first. Luckily I recorded this game....check out these pictures.


















How ridiculous is this field? On top of that, what the hell was Bud Selig thinking with a radar screen like that? Yeah maybe you can get three more innings in with Baltimore being bombarded with rain...

Beyond this major mistake that Bud Selig made, he should have relayed the information that there would be nine innings played no matter what. If he did this, I can guarantee you that Joe Maddon and Charlie Manuel would have thought the game should be finished on another day...way to drop the ball Bud.

So, What Now?


There have been some interesting conversations coming out of this decision to stop the game. Is it time that baseball opens it's eyes and picks a neutral site (that isn't -35 degrees in October) to play the world series? Should Joe Buck be kicked in the teeth in order for him to commentate the next World Series on Fox? how would these decisions affect the outcome of the All-Star Game? (You all should know that the outcome of the All-Star game determines the home field advantage for the world series)


I think that the world series should continue to be played how it is. I love the home field advantage. It's something that you fight for over 162 games to earn. The fans deserve to be able to pay $1,000 for a nose-bleed seat and get plastered in a parking lot no more than 30 minutes from their doorstep. That's the right you deserve as a baseball fan and my god Bud Selig, if you take that from me I will hit you with a baseball bat, after I beat up Joe Buck. What a schmuck.

Who's better than Kruk?

I don't have a job with ESPN because I'm 1/10th the man John Kruk is. I've always been a fan of the Matt Stairs look a like but this recent finding makes him even better. This link will take you to two QUALITY showings on David Letterman back in the nineties...Kruk's haircut and wit are priceless.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VHUylS-zdHs

why do i not get a job with espn?

Will someone please give me credit for calling out balfour?

I've stepped it up fans...

(UPDATED - Mainly for clarity purposes, I was slightly drunk at the time and some of this stuff doesn't make sense, but it was all going through my head I promise you...)

I'm officially bloggin from a f'ing bar, am I a model of determination or what?

After listening to the AM Radio stations over the past week or so I was struck with a homework assignment that I believe everyone can get a kick out of. We all hate Joe Buck, it's like a disease that Fox has injected into all of America's veins and I got a double dose. A caller came on the show and was complaining about how he hates Joe Buck and the announcer kind of ripped him to shreds because he had no evidence of what Buck said to piss him off. So, as a homework assignment I wrote down everything he said that pissed me off during the game...here ya go:

1st inning...

- "pena hitless in the world series" (wow, can we try to break a streak)
- "the ever so dangerous evan longoria"
- "and that's a pitch longoria usually crushes"
- an incredibly lame reference to desperate housewives
- "rollins...hitless in this series" (and he just got a hit, take that Joe Buck)
+ "rollins is the best base stealer in the game"
- "philadelphia has left eleven on in each of the first two games... "
+ "superb base running by rollins and werth" ( by other announcer)
+ "garza is not comfortable"
- "utley behind in count" (when he's not...he was up 2-1)
- show shitty stat about howard...
- "how much do you want to test ryan howard who has only three rbi's in the post season"
- "more trouble for ryan howard"

2nd inning

- "7 for 7 crawford stealing third"

4th inning

- evan "don't call me eva" longoria
- let's tote matt ryan in front of philadelphia fans...fuck fox

5th inning

+ Made note of philly knockin bombs out of the park...
- during this game a three minute, dude on dude dance session broke out at field house. Not cool
- Made a reference to Jamie moyers "incredible move to first base" which could possibly be the worst in the majors
- not about joe buck, but Jamie Moyer sticking his tongue out might be one of the highlights of the series...

..it's a hectic time here in philly

Go Phils, let's collectively stop depression in philly

P.s. I love joe buck talking shit on the carl crawford call at first

After writing all of this, I don't think Joe Buck is really that biased, he just says what is going on. I still hate him though, he seems like a prick.

Mid WS Game 1 Post

FREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE TACOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOS!!!!!!

Next Tuesday, everyone needs to take complete advantage of Taco Bell's free "steal base get a taco," campaign. Tuesday October 28th is the official free taco day...please coerce yourself, by way of grade E meat, to the bathroom for threee days and make your significant other love baseball just a bit more...

We're in the 6th inning and it looks like the Phillies are on their way to a game one victory. They are making Kazmir pitch 8000 pitches per inning and are already digging into the bullpen. Scary thing is that the Rays can hit at any minute and Cole Hamels look like he has maybe one more good inning in him.

BREAKING NEWS: The president of Taco Bell is fat. WHAT A SURPRISE!

Check Out The Buns on that Hose-Hound

Last night I was sitting around thinking about what was going to decide this series. The more I thought about it the more I felt like this series is basically even. There are three people from each team who are going to make a difference in my decision of how this series will end...that's it.

Phillies:

Pat Burrell

Why is Pat going to need a big performance down in Tampa in order for the Phils to get off to a good start? The main reason is because no one has bulging biceps and bear rug chest hair like that. The other is in game one they are going to be facing a strong lefty and he's the only person, besides Utley, that is hitting well against them. Whens the last time they faced a dominant left-hander? No, that wasn't on his fourth consecutive three day rest start....it's Johan Santana on 9/7 in the second game of a double-header.

Pat is going to need to be that spark in the first game, he is hitting .280 against lefties this season and is the only power right handed bat in the lineup.

Besides the offense he brings, Pat is going to have to play good D in a tough dome to see fly balls. This is not the time for one of the lame jogs to fly balls, they disappear up there and you need every second to react to the ball. I can almost guarantee you that this comes up at least once while he is down in Tampa, I just hope it's not costly.

Jamie Moyer

I hate to put the stats out there, but last outing: 1.1 innings, 6 hits, 6 ER, 1 HR, 2 Ks. His outing before that he only lasted 4 innings and let up two runs on 90 pitches.

You have to wonder if his arm is tired or if he is just flustered. Either way, he needs to get over it and focus on game 3. The great thing about him not being stellar in his past two games is that historically he is going to turn it around.

If you look at his season history, he's given 5 or 6 runs three times this season, want to know what his next game was? A win for the Phillies. In Moyer's last 17 games the Phillies are 13-4, in those that were at home, 5-2.

Stats aside, Moyer needs to pitch game 3 like it's the last game he's ever going to pitch, because it might be. The Rays are going to come into Philadelphia and be shell-shocked for the first couple of innings because they're finally going to hear what 40,000+ fans that actually care about the game sound like. If Moyer can take advantage and get on a roll, watch out...could make for a good home-stand.

On a side note, doesn't Jamie Moyer look a lot like Scott Baio in that card? ( http://images.google.com/images?um=1&hl=en&q=scott+baio )

Cole Hamels

Cole has been amazing. He's shown everyone in the country that he is an ace, just ask the Brewers and Dodgers. He's also shown his team that despite being a 24 year old kid from California, he is a leader and a big game performer. All he's done in the playoffs is dominated two of the better hitting teams in the NL and earned the NLCS MVP. Now all he has to do is beat the best hitting team in the AL.

Cole's biggest tell on his performance is giving up the long ball. In games where he has given up 2 or more home runs, he is 0-8. The good thing about that stat is that he didn't have complete control of his change up during the first 2/3 of the season. In mid-August Cole turned a corner going 8-2 in his last 10 decisions, allowing only 6 HR's (he allowed 2 only once).

The Phillies need a big game out of their Ace and I think they're going to get it.

Interesting Stats:

The Phillies game three starter made his major league debut when the Rays' two star rookies were less than a year old. Also, Jamie Moyer will be making the first World Series start of his 22-year career.

Only three players have faced Scott Kazmir: Jimmy Rollins, Ryan Howard and Pat Burrell. Their combined stats: 1/6, 1 K, 3 BB...

Phillies biggest strength is wearing down pitchers; be patient, make him throw strikes, wear him down boys.

The Cowboys Suck.

AND NOW THE RAYS:

David Price

Everyone who is reading this blog was watching game 7. We all saw his 97-98 mph fastball overwhelm the Red Sox. This phenoms first big time situation was a 2 on, 2 outs top of the 8th inning show in which he struck out a batter to get out of the inning (on a shitty call fyi).

The kid is still young, but he is going to be called upon to do some big things in this playoff series. I've heard this before...oh wait, it was when Maddon was the bench coach on the Angels. That's right, a kid named Frankie Rodriguez came in at 20 years old, won five post season games en route to a gold trophy with a bunch of small flags on it.

2 things are going for this kid: A) people haven't seen him in the regular season, so his pitches are going to surprise batters B) he was a stud at Vandy and pitched gem after gem in pressure situations in college...

It's going to be interesting to see how he pitches in the world series, but I have a feeling he is going to be 2008's K-Rod.

Grant Balfour

What in the hell happened to this guy? Balfour was lights out all season, posting a 1.54 ERA with a ridiculous .89 WHIP over the regular season. Then he comes in to relieve Scott Kazmir in the infamous Red Sox comeback and gives up 4 runs while only getting one out. He has only pitched in game six since then when all he did was come in, walk a guy, get a pop out and then walk a guy.

I can't believe more people haven't put an emphasis on this. He was the best set up man for the Rays all season; if he doesn't hit this hand-bike a little harder and get out of this funk, it's going to be hard for them to hand off the torch to Price.

Mr. 210

What the F bomb is going on with this guy too? He hits 9 HR's all year and then suddenly decided to start hitting for power? He's hit seven home runs in the post season including four in his last five games. Did he take a trip to see Jose Canseco? Is he finally healthy?

Who knows...the big question is can he keep it up. We know Longoria and Pena's power is legit, they've both been crushing pitches all season. BJ Upton's was hiding in 2007 (he hit 24 home runs in 2007) and apparently decided to make an appearance. Maybe Maddon told him to focus on speed more so that they could manufacture runs, maybe because it thinks it will make him a better future player to focus on whatever the hell he was focusing on this year. Either way, he is a HUGE part to their success through the ALCS, and he will be crucial in the WS.

Interesting Stat: With Devil in their name: has a .398 winning percentage (645-972), were last place 9 out of 10 years, flaunted Fred "The Crime Dog" McGriff as their franchise best player,

Since omitting Devil: have won an AL East title, won a seven game series in the playoffs, set the record for Homeruns in a single series, set a franchise record for wins in a season, have one of the top five youngest average age of starters in the majors, generally don't suck anymore.

IN CLOSING

This is going to be an unbelievable series. It's going to be offensive, there are going to be a lot of HR's and some great defense. All that being said I think the bullpens, like always, are going to decide this series.

If you look the bullpens up and down, it really comes down to the Rays being in a bit of trouble. Yeah, Maddon did put Price in...who the hell else was he going to turn to? Wheeler's throwing cantaloupes to batters, J.P. Howell can' throw a fastball over 88 and Balfour doesn't know what country he's in since he let up four in Boston.

So all signs point to the Phillies winning except for their ridiculous string of bad luck.

GO PHILLIES (In six games)

Rays-Phillies World Series Shit-show

Bottom-line, this could be one of the most offensive World Series to ever hit the big stage. Both of these lineups are STACKED offensively and could output double digits in any game. That being said, here are my keys to the series for each team:

RAYS:

Relief Pitchers - This was the Achilles heel in the series altering game in the Red Sox series. The infamous 12 inning win by the Sox, 8 runs via Dan Wheeler, J.P. Howell and company. However, the next game they responded by throwing four shutout innings and I think we all saw their performance last night.

The Rays have some ridiculous talent to throw at you in the end of a game: David Price, Grant Balfour, J.P. Howell, Edwin Jackson. All of those guys have fastballs above 95 (except Howell who throws all off-speed junk) and can turn hitters around to walk to their dugouts in big spots.

RUN RUN RUN - The Phillies have had problems defending the running game all season and the Rays have three players in the middle of their lineup who can steal a base at any given moment (Iwamura, Upton, Crawford). If the Rays get their lead off hitters on the base paths, they could be forcing the Phillies pitchers to deal in some high pressure situations. Could turn out to be a huge part of the Rays offense.

Happy Hour Hitters - Ah, the 5-9 club. Other than the game last night (2 rbi's, 1 HR) they have been a huge waste of life during the post season. If they can get any sort of streak going, this team is going to put up over ten runs on the board. Over a three game period, the 1-2-3-4 hitters put up 21 runs, by themselves.


Stop Wearing Ray-Hawks: Well get your fans to stop, because they look retarded.

PHILLIES:


Phillies Starters - These guys are going to have to pitch the first run through the lineup perfectly. The Rays scored 2 or more runs in the first inning in 3 of the last seven games, in the games they didn't score in the first inning, they T'd off their next time around. The Rays are VERY good their second time through the lineup, they get pitcher's timing down quickly and sit on pitches and usually crush them if you give them what they are looking for. If Ruiz & Co. can keep them off kilter through 6 innings and limit them to three runs , the Phillies will win this series.

Stop Pitching Upton Fastballs - Jesus H. Christ he's hit 7 HR's in the postseason (4 in his last 7 games) and he had 9 all season long. Every HR he has hit he was sitting on a fastball and the pitcher's delivered it to him. I think it's safe to say he's locked in right now, stop giving Mr. 210 Ding Dong's for breakfast.

(By the way if you're wondering what Mr. 210 means, it's a shortcut for saying Blow J...second letter in the alphabet and the tenth...hence B.J. Upton's nickname is Mr. 210)

Beat Up James Shields - I mean Tanya Harding the crap out of him. Pull out a crow bar and break his femur in nine places. Shields has not been solid in the postseason, he seems like he's lost a little of his "bad-assness." Plus shelling anyone who is referred to as "Jamie" would make it all the more fun. If Philly can come out of Tampa with one win against one of their dominant young pitchers, I would consider it a huge boost and Shields is their best chance. Philly is going to be going NUTS for the first world series in thirty years (tickets for standing room only are $800 on stub hub right now) and I think they can ride that to at least two wins at home.

This is going to be the best team the Phillies have faced in nearly two months since they played the Cubs in Chicago. The bottom line is that this series is going to come down to whether or not the Phillies can keep up with the offense of the Rays. The offensive talent on these clubs is even, however the pitching they will be facing is not. The Rays will be facing are far less impressive pitching rotation, therefore the Phillies are going to need to play much better than normal in order to win this series.

I'm going to put up a "Key Players" post a little later tonight hopefully so check back again soon...

This post can only be ended by three words: Fuck You Boston

UPDATE: There is a better way to end this post....Tampa women are showing their support, bikini wax style. I wonder if females in Philadelphia will top this by doing a P and dying it red/white/blue?

I'm Not Lazy I Just Like Video Games

I just wanted everyone to know that I am set out on a very important task right now, I'm not just playing video games all day. I got into a random conversation with a girl about her statement that "there has never been a bad sports movie made, ever." Think about every sports movie you've ever seen...was it bad?

After a few minutes of arguing and thoughts, this conversation switched to how many sports movies we could name...we collectively came up with 58 movies. That's pretty f'ing impressive. It took us about a half an hour to come up with most of them and some random texts to chime in on a few more and then we cheated and checked some of the movies we missed (White Men Can't Jump was probably the most embarassing one) . Either way, I'm currently in the process of making Iversen's TOP 50 sports movies. There's going to be some surprises, mainly because I appreciate humor more than the next person. However, this whole list and complete story will be up sometime this weekend or early next week.

UPDATE: TOP 50 sports movie is rarely done...top ten yes, top 25, ok...top 50, must make honest effort to see all of them

Two Quick Points Before I Pass Out

A) The Dallas Cowboys are dissolving - T.O is going to have a cow in the next four weeks...guarenteed...because someone is inevitably going to be asked "do you feel like you're being under utilized," or someone will ask "do you feel like Roy is being groomed as the future #1 considering he was recently signed to a five year deal?" (fyi he just inked a five year deal)

I mean come on, T.O. is blessed with the un-deniable talent of not being able to keep his trap shut. He is going to answer these questions and it's going to put pressure on the Cowboys and their pussy-footed coach Wade Phillips and they are going to dissapoint. Only one word is needed to explain this situation from me...

AWESOME

B) The Rays are winning a title - These guys are legit and they are going to be legit for quite sometime. Evan Longoria, BJ Upton, Carl Crawford, James Shields, Scott Kazmir, David Price....JESUS CHRIST!

Andrew Freidman (current GM) and Chuck Lamar (GM until 2005) should be given a Pullitzer for putting together this team over a five year span. This team was HORRIBLE five years ago and now they are STACKED with young, incredibly talented players.

On top of that, Joe Maddon (former Angel coach btw), is doing such a good job with this young club: preaching defense, keeping it loose (shaved a mowhawk in his head resembling Mr. T), saying the right things at the right time, and managing his bullpen like a true playa should...this team is impressive.

They are going to kick the ever loving shit out of the Phillies. I'm sorry, I want the Phillies to win. I'm tired of Philly being so depressed about not winning anything for the past 30 years...but it's not going to happen. Tampa is on with the bats, on with the gloves, on with the arms and on with their domes. GAME OVER

NFL - Thanks Week 6, I'm Even More Confused Now

So, what have we learned through week 6 in the NFL?

That you need to take a Tylenol after every week to comprehend what in the hell is going on.

I feel like Tom Cruise in Rain Man every Sunday. There's some higher power trying to tell me to buy my underwear at K-Mart in Cinci (that the Browns really aren't that bad) even though my gut logic tells me I can buy it anywhere (they are absolutely horrible). Then the shit storm that was last night occurs (The Browns looked like the '07 Browns) and I pull the car over (grab a bottle of rum) and freak the f*** out (chug the entire thing) until coming to my senses (passing out on the floor).


Great scene from a great movie, I don't know what kind of disease I have that makes these things pop into my head...

FOCUS

I've decided to come up with a "TOP FIVE LEARNING'S" recap, that I think sounds a lot more intelligent when said in Spanish, to put up every week...here's Week 6.

Cinco Primeros Aprendizajes

UNO - Peyton's Still Got It

I don't know if anyone else saw this game, but the Ravens were out-coached on Sunday. You can go down to previous posts and see that I thought this game was going to be close, possibly close enough for the Ravens to win. Wow was I wrong. All the Colts did was come out in the first half and absolutely DESTROY the Ravens through the air; to the tune of 2 TD's to Marvin Harrison and one to Reggie Wayne.

It was like the team from '06 was back running the show...in both cases.

One thing an amateur would have missed was that this could-be entirely contributed to Reggie Wayne being pushed to the slot and Corey Ivy having the worst day of his career. Reggie would go on the right side of the field (with Marvin outside) and run inside routes (on a match up with Corey Ivy) while Marvin ran deep routes on Chris McAllister all day.

The thing is Corey Ivy got his ass handed to him all day and McAllister was playing support all day because of this. On two different occasions Marvin released deep (one of them for a TD) and got looks from Peyton. Then after Marvin's TD, McAllister said "F You Ivy cover him yourself." The Colts next drive ended with a hitch on the outside keeping McAllister close and running a corner over top with Wayne scoring. The Ravens D made adjustments in the second half, but the damage was too much.

Either way, this showed me that Indy's offense still has some life in it. Baltimore scored it's usual 13 points a game, but their running game was stuffed all day, forcing Flacco to learn to throw the football (to the tune of three picks).

Indy's next game against GB should give everyone a pretty good idea if they can expect to see the Colts in the playoffs.

DOS - The NFC South Can Beat Anyone, Any Week

Did you know for the last five years, the team to finish in last in the NFC South has won the following year? How ridiculous unreal is that?

That being said, this headline is nowhere what you're thinking. The NFC South teams are so inconsistent that I blame them for half o0f my headaches so far this season. Things burning holes in my brain:

- How in god's name was Carolina even close enough to San Diego to get a last second TD?
- But then bad enough to get their asses handed to them in Tampa Bay?
- How is ATL, a team with a rookie head coach and a rookie QB able to beat Green Bay and then beat Chicago last week?????
- How is TB able to beat anyone with their offense? They have no capable WR's...

Bottom line is any given week any NFC South team could play like a Super Bowl contender or could play like the Chiefs...well not that bad, maybe the Rams. That being said, you shouldn't bet on any game involving the NFC South, you might feel like an idiot afterwards.

TRES - New England is HORRIBLE


I've talked to some friends who are Pats fans and San Diego fans and there has been a consensus thrown into the air; New England is screwed.

This is all stemming from Randy Moss's loss interest and the Pats loss of Brady's leadership. Brady wasn't a QB, he was a leader. You could tell after he made those ridiculous passes to Moss last year; he would be either pumping his fists because of a big play or running to the end zone to hip bump Randy on nearly every other play. Their big play mentality is gone, along with their running game and their ability to win.

Their last three games have NOT been impressive: 38-13 destruction by way of Miami, a 30-21 win in SF in which Nolan was blatantly out coached by Bill, and throwing out a late TD, a 30-3 loss to San Diego.

This team is bad, I see Bill putting on about 50 more pounds and finally filling out those sweatshirts.

CUATRO - Californication Has Over-Taken Entourage

If you haven't taken time out of your day to watch this show, you need to immediately. Take your lazy ass away from this web site and go On Demand that shit right now...well after you read this.

The show is hilarious, guaranteed tits every episode, hilarious characters and a surprisingly great plot line.

It also gives you a whole new appreciation for David Duchovny. In the first season he has sex with almost 20 different chicks (including the one on the right in this picture) and is now (in real life) checked into rehab for sex addiction. Any show that makes you become an addict to sex should be watched every week...write that down...







OCHO - CINCO - The Bengals Could Be 0-11

The Bengals are SO BAD. They couldn't even muster enough talent up to beat a horrible Jets team. They have a brutal schedule coming up and I don't see them winning any of the games. Their next five games include 2 against PIT, @ HOU, JAX, PHI, YIKES! Good luck winning any of those games. I think their only possibility is against Houston which boasts an impressive passing offense (biggest weakness of CIN). With Palmer possibly sidelined for the foreseeable future (reportedly entertaining the thought of Tommy-John surgery) I don't see Kirkpatrick taking this team anywhere.

Trade Ocho-Stinko to the Eagles already so we can win a title, Thanks.

I hope you didn't learn a damb thing from that whole post, because I just blacked out at work for a half hour and this is what showed up...

Closing in on 1,000, What the F is Wrong With You People?

For some reason this website has received some sort of dedication from the outside world. I don't know why, but the visits are most appreciated and I'd like to show my gratification by giving back to my loyal community.

During the next Phillies game I will be diligently digging through boxes of Cracker Jacks to find tokens of my appreciation for you, my reader.

If you'd like one of these amazing prizes, please leave your address in the comments section and send $300 for shipping and handling to 226 Ripka Street in Philadelphia, PA 19127 and allow eight weeks for delivery. It will be worth it...

That being said, I think that if 1,000 people subdue themselves my shit-inducing writing, you guys should at least have a logo, preferrably with three nipples, at the top of your page every time you come here. Therefore, I'll be working on a logo via photo-shop for the next couple of days...feel free to pass along ideas, I know half of you have some f***ed up senses of humor like me so let's hear it...

Rays - Sox LIVE

1st inning:

Jon Lester looks un-freakin-believable. I saw him completely dismantle my Angels and he seems like he's out to embarrass the Rays like he has all season (3-0 1.92 ERA in three starts vs. the Rays).

What a wiener to put up against Lester....Matt Garza? I might respect him more if he shaved his ridiculously retarded looking chin patch...is he trying to look like an idiot to throw off batters?

2nd inning:

I have a man crush on Evan Longoria. The kid is 23 years old and is playing the game like he's in a little league game; he has this huge wad of gum in his mouth and is chewing it like a cow...from Jersey. He's incredibly patient at the plate and judging by his first two at bats in the playoffs (2 HR's on the first two pitches he saw)...he has the power to knock anything out of the park.

There's some jack ass in the stands proudly rocking a West Virginia football jersey...he looks like a moron and is a pretty good rendition of why I absolutely HATE all Red Sox fans.

How is Alex Cora still playing baseball? isn't he 90?

3rd inning:

The Rays are going to win this game if they keep this lead batter on thing up. Lester didn't let up a single lead off batter for the entire divisional series against the Halos. The Rays are 2/3 against him already. Longoria scored when he got on in the second and it looks like Bartlett will score now.

- AAAAAAAND it worked again....BJ UPTON BOMB over the monster. He crushed that pitch. God that kid has talent.

- My god, Evan Longoria...what a shot. That's two HR's...hahaha I HATE BOSTON.

This picture to the right is a pretty good example of how this kid is all the time. Happy go lucky kid who is pumped to be pissing on Boston's couch.

- Dustin Pedroia is DIALED IN. That's two rockets off of the monster. The only reason that isn't two doubles is because Crawford played it perfectly and threw a cannon to second and he turned around. That could turn out to be huge with Ortiz up right now.

- FULL COUNT ON ORTIZ...STRIKE HIM OUT

- Evan Longoria just made the lamest attempt at a crowd dive I have ever seen. I'm surprised he didn't get hit with a piece of pizza...

- Ortiz is so past his prime, what a lame pop-out

- I think Kevin Youkalis, I spelled it wrong on purpose, is the lamest of all Red Sox and I hope he gets beaned in the head.

4th inning

Dioner Navarro might be the most under-rated catcher in baseball. He's young, he's solid defensively and above average offensively. Fantasy owners be aware.

Uneventful top of the 4th, let's see if Boston can make this interesting.

5th inning

Is it just me or did this game just get incredibly boring?

BJ Upton continuing his season full of bone head mistakes. He was benched for not hustling to first, twice. Now he had a beautiful sacrifice bunt on the shift and he rounded second base like a moron and got thrown out by Hookalis. That is a big play if Crawford gets a hit here....didn't turn out to be important, or entertaining, like this game...

Does anyone else who reads this watch "Soup" on E!...that show is ridiculously under-rated and needs to be given some props much more often. I'm going to do so now because this game is boring... I'll be updating with funny clips until this game stops making me tired.

HAHAHA this has quickly changed into an ongoing focus on the show "Cheaters."

This is awesome, I'm sure everyone has seen this...




HAHA I love this dude's determination to kick the shit out of his friend...



UNBELIEVABLE chase scene where he grabs random underwear from some laundr-o-mat



Alright, this game is over and I want to watch pick up artist...late

God Bless Marketing...

This is the most ridiculous thing I have ever seen. Who is in charge of making toys in Europe?



No wonder Europeans are cool with wearing speedo's, they've been seeing a moving penis since they were six. What kind of target market are they going for here?

Hahahahaha, this video is ridiculous

Chiefs say "F*** It"

The KC Chiefs have apparently given up on the season. In the midst of their bye week there has been numerous reports of them shopping the only two players with any sort of immediate worth. Tony Gonzalez has openly stated that he wants to play for a title contender so he can "get my old ass a trophy." (loose translation)

There are also swirling rumors about KC shopping the oh so unimpressive Larry Johnson. This makes sense because they are never running the ball anyways considering they suck and are constantly playing from behind. The only problem is the ridiculous contract that he signed. Who in the hell would want to pay the rest of a 6-year $45 million contract for a running back who has been ridiculously mediocre after posting back to back 1700 yard seasons? No one.

On a related note, Herm Edwards sucks more than the state of Delaware.

Interesting Game of the Week...

Baltimore @ Indy

What the hell is going on with the NFL?

We have four BRAND NEW head coaches who all have winning records and the biggest surprise has to be Baltimore. There's NO WAY anyone who has a credible mouth (Except for me of course) about the NFL thought that the Ravens, a team with male cheerleaders, a marching band, a rookie QB, a rookie head coach, one less hall of fame left tackle, an aging defense and a tough schedule...would be at the top of their division...(second).

The bottom line is Flacco is doing just fine, the team's defense is healthy and they are riding their decade long philosophy of "beat the shit out of teams on defense, run a lot and control the clock. On paper their offense looks so unimpressive: 27th in points per game (19 pts), 24th in offensive yards (290 ypg), dead last in passing (131 ypg). However, on paper, their defense is THE SHIT: 3rd in pts (14 ppg), 1st in ypg (193 ypg), 1st in passing ypg (129 ypg), 1st in rushing ypg (64 ypg) and they're averaging three turnovers a game (2 int/1 fumble).

That being said, the same thing goes for Indy. No one would have guessed (except for me) that Indy looks like they've lost a step. Peyton seems like he's upset his brother is getting more ass than he is, Marvin Harrison looks like he's mildly depressed every time a camera is on him. The Colts line is incredibly young and is showing mistakes frequently and Joseph Addai seems to be running soft.

This is one of the only times I've actually thought that a team not named the Jaguars could walk out of Indianapolis with a win. A DOMINANT Ravens defense is meeting up with a fairy-like Indianapolis offense.

I'm not saying the Ravens are going to win, I'm just saying it's going to be an interesting game to watch.

UPDATE: The Colts are putting Reggie Wayne in the slot and taking complete advantage of getting Corey Ivy in a matchup. The Ravens seem flat and Indianapolis seems to have the big mo...let's see if Baltimore gets their head out of their ass.

BY THE WAY: Roger Goodell would get a lot more respect from the NFL community, and myself, if he banned male cheerleaders and marching bands from the NFL. It makes about as much sense as Sarah Palin, doing anything.

I have a boner...

Mute your TVs and stare intently, Britney Spears is FUCKING BACK...

You know, the hot girl who walked down a high school hallway in a school girls uniform. The girl who became unbelievably famous for basically walking around naked in all of her videos and made you wish your girlfriend was half as hot as she was. Yeah, she's back...

10 seconds into her newest video she is just naked...awesome




Britney, the male gender has missed you dearly. Welcome back to spank-banks everywhere.

Cut me a freaking break...

Hey everyone, I wanted to send out a big fat apology for not writing anything on the past week of football, sarah palin being a moron or just something pointless in general. I'm currently out in Seattle with my job for a pretty big week long meeting. Currently we are cruising around the San Juan Islands looking for whales...and I'm writing this from my Blackberry. So if you would be so kind, cut me some slack and I'll be back this weekend.

To those still visiting, thanks. You will have new posts soon.

Hugs and kisses,

Your only author

Live Blog: Britney Spears...I mean Palin - Biden

This woman is ridiculous.

Some awesome Palin quotes before I get started:

- "As for that VP talk all the time, I'll tell you, I still can't answer that question until somebody answers for me what is it exactly that the VP does every day?" --Sarah Palin, interview with CNBC's "Kudlow & Co", July 2008

- "Perhaps so." --Sarah Palin, when asked if we may need to go to war with Russia because of the Georgia crisis, ABC News interview, Sept. 11, 2008

- "I'm the mayor, I can do whatever I want until the courts tell me I can't.'" --Sarah Palin, as quoted by former City Council Member Nick Carney, after he raised objections about the $50,000 she spent renovating the mayor's office without approval of the city council

- "I told the Congress, 'Thanks, but no thanks,' on that Bridge to Nowhere." –Sarah Palin, who was for the Bridge to Nowhere before she was against it, but kept the money for it...




Watch CBS Videos Online

I just finished watching the VP debate, and my lord, could the woman sound any more frightened. Things I wrote down while watching the debate (warning my mind wanders):

It's like the word "Maverick" is her baby blanket and it's her first day at kindergarten.

If she says "Maverick" one more time I'm going to request a fly-by.

Did Goose do another movie after Top Gun?

Did Tom Cruise?

Do you think she is secretly trying to brainwash the Scientology population by all of these "Maverick" comments?

Would that be enough to win the election.

Is "Playing With the Boys" in Top Gun the most homo-erotic scene in cinematic history?

Here's what I'm talking about...

Iceman is a gay nickname...

Focus...

Does she think that America wants a woman who sounds like she's our neighbor down the street in Alabama?

It seems like she was born to constantly be chewing a huge wad of bubble tape like a cow...

I wonder if she was a coach on the Mickey Mouse Club and secretly taught Brittney Spears everything she knows...

I can't believe she just refused to answer a question so she could talk about something she was more knowledgeable on...

Let's talk about energy some more.

No seriously.

Please, bring it up again.

Thanks.

Ok, do you know anything about anything else?

Biden is surprisingly cool and collected in this thing.

I will go stick my head in the freezer for ten minutes if Biden responds to one of Palin's retarded comments with:

"Ms. Palin, what you've just said is one of the most insanely idiotic things I have ever heard. At no point in your rambling, incoherent response were you even close to anything that could be considered a rational thought. Everyone in this room is now dumber for having listened to it. I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul."

Holy shit the Dodgers are beating the SHIT out of the Cubs.

I wonder how much spousal abuse is going to come of this Cubs loss.

I hope a lot.

Just kidding, kind of.

I hate all Red Sox fans.

I want some popcorn...bye

Everyone's Favorite Show, The Lane Kiffin Bashing Hour!

I'm sure all of you now have heard or have at least heard someone talking about Al Davis's press conference he had yesterday. If you haven't...here's ESPN's clip of it...



Al Davis blatantly calls Lane Kiffin a liar and says he is "bringing disgrace to the organization," and a "flat-out liar." Lane later backed up his honesty with this lame interview.



So who is telling the truth? I'll bet you're wondering who's side I'm going to take aren't you? I'll give you a hint, it's not the dude to the right...

If you're confused by the picture, I personally photo-shopped this picture because my man looks like skeletor, spitting image.

There are numerous people around the league up in arms about how Al Davis has handled this situation with Lane. Chris Mortenson (who broke this story for ESPN five minutes after it happened) did a great interview on Mike & Mike in the Morning (which I watch every morning and you should too) in which he made some very insightful things. Among them were:

How he believes, that it's rather obvious that Al Davis is lying about Lane's role in the front office and decisions he's been a part of.

An interesting story about, while being rolled to the airplane after the last second Buffalo loss, criticizing Lane's management of his timeouts. Basically he was talking to his buddy (the roller of his wheel chair) about how he thought Lane should have done this and that during the game...blah blah blah. What he didn't know is that Lane was two feet behind him and heard every word. After Lane heard this, he came up to Al and said "Do you need to talk to me about something?" Al promptly responded "Oh, um, no. I didn't see you there." He then went on the plane without resolving the situation. Hmm, I wonder why they weren't talking.

How his phone was "blowing up in the press conference from numerous head coaches and front office officials were up in arms," about how Al Davis, a well renowned stickler of money to his coaches. (Mike Shanahan being a prime example...) Basically if you can prove that your coach was in breach of contract then you can fire him without honoring the rest of his contract, which Al Davis has just done (Kiffin is out $3.5 Million).

The reason everyone is a little upset about this is that it is relatively obvious that Al Davis has planned on doing this since the end of last season. How is this obvious?

Basically Lane Kiffin was a little upset with his D coordinator last year and wanted to fire him. Interestingly enough, Lane's dad Montae Kiffin, happens to be one of the best D coordinator's of all time. So Kiffin mentioned his name for his new D coordinator, and why wouldn't you? Al Davis flipped and refused to let Kiffin fire his D coordinator Rob Ryan. Making for an interesting relationship between them.

How Rich Gannon, a former close friend of Al Davis, told him that the only reason the Raiders front office used to be successful is that the former GM ran mediation between Al and everyone else in the franchise. Now he's gone, and shit has hit the fan. The turmoil in the front office apparently had a lot to do with why Jon Gruden left.

Al Davis then went on a name bashing serenade after the official press conference, stating:

"Kiffin didn't want to draft Jamarcus Russell, he was in talks with Brady Quinn, but I made him"

"The Denver Broncos should have asterisks next to both of their Super Bowls"

Accusing the patriots of "tampering" with Moss while he was on the Raiders.

"Mike Lombardi has been fired from every job he's ever had and can't find one in the NFL." (former employee of the Raiders front office)

"Norv Turner was a good coordinator and I might have been impetuous with him, but let's see what he does."

"The tuck game was the doom to a lot of things." (Referring to the unraveling of patriots loss where the Tuck rule was invented in 2001)

Needless to say, Davis was on a roll all day.

If you ask me what I think about Davis and the Raider's franchise I could answer it in three words: you are screwed. Al Davis's mom lived to be 103 years old and I can conceivably see him being around for at least another 10 years. With that being said, who in the hell is going to want this job? The Raider's have had five coaches in the past six years...FIVE. That's a little over one year per coach. At what point does Al Davis realize, "maybe it's not the coaches that are the problem."

I'm going to end this on a great quote I heard today coming into work.

"At what point do the coaches start introducing themselves at the beginning of the season as interim head coaches?"