The Secret to Winning Trophies

Last night I had the pleasure of watching the Phillies blow another game in the late innings by way of their bullpen. A game that I think they could have easily won.

Last night put two pitchers having outstanding seasons up against each other. Ryan Dempster ( 15-5, 2.95 ERA, 160K, 69BB ) vs. Cole Hamels (11-8, 3.31 ERA, 168K, 43 BB). Let me set the scene:

In Chicago
4-1 Phillies
Bottom of the 8th
Cole Hamels has pitched a gem (7 innings, 5 hits, 6 K's, 1 ER on a triple by Mark De Rosa that got caught in the Ivy in right field.)

Charlie Manuel brings in Ryan Madson.

This had to be his thought process:

"Hmm let's see here, it's the 8th inning I need someone to set up Brad Lidge..."

"Durbin and Madson are warmed up..."

"I know! Nothing strikes the fear into a lineup like a pitcher that's given up 8 hits in his last 4 innings pitched"

What a freaking moron...

Madson promptly gave up a pinch hit bomb to the oh so powerful Mark Fontenot. Followed by a ROCKET to the wall by Soriano and a single by Theriot.

Madson - 0.0 innings pitched, 3 hits, 1HR, 1 ER, men on first and third.

Charlie Manuel - "Alright, he's done, bring in the assassin Chad Durbin"

Derek Lee is walked, and then this happened...


I know what you're thinking, and yes, that footage was shot by my personal assistant.

All this being said, the Phillies lost 6-4. So why am I even bringing this up? I do have a point...

The 8th inning is the most important inning in baseball. Every title-worthy team has an incredibly successful setup man to throw in before their closer.

Perfect examples, my four most dangerous teams in baseball:


Angels, Scott Shields - Over the last three years Shields has pitched more innings than any other reliever (284.2 IP) and his 291 strikeouts are fourth most of any reliever. You may not have heard of him, but K-Rod has...he wouldn't have 1/2 of his save chances if Shields wasn't paving the way. That's him spanking it with the Champagne bottle...what a winner.






Boston Red Sox, Hideki Okajima - No one could figure this guy out last year. His whole, let's stare at the ground while a pitch a ball to home plate thing was scaring everyone. Last year through 69 innings, he let up 50 hits and set up nearly every one of Papelbon's 35 saves. Although he's not doing as well as he was last year, a 2.89 ERA isn't too shabby. As an added bonus, he drives this nifty Nissan Mini-van!!!








Tampa Bay, Grant Balfour - A 1.44 ERA, a .89 WHIP and a 64/20 K/BB ratio...If you haven't seen this kid pitch this year, it is fun to watch. He has the demeanor of your fifth grade bully. He walks out to the mound and immediately knows he is going to kick your ass. HUGE key to their success, just ask Joe Maddon ( A former Angels bench coach ) who bought this beemer for him as a gift. At least he doesn't drive a minivan.






Chicago Cubs, Carlos Marmol - This kid is FILTHY. I mean, he can be un-hittable for weeks at a time. He has 5 pitches to go to, 2 of them are just plain unfair. His only problem is that he is eratic at times and has a very awkward love for bowling. Other than that, he's pretty much an automatic hand off to Kerry Wood for a save opportunity. A lot of people thought he was going to challenge Kerry Wood for the closers role this season, but with a name like Wood...he has to be in a prominent role.




All this being said, teams with a set guy to go to in the 8th inning fare much better than teams without. Other than these four teams above, there isn't another one with a dominant setup guy. Watch all of these teams make it to the playoffs and perform well in clutch situations, because they have a dominant guy to go to in the most important inning in baseball, good old numero 8.

Production up 46%

What in god's name happened to these commercials? They were THE BEST commercials I have ever seen. I think we all need more Terry Tate in our life and I've already wrote a personal message to Reebok complaining about the lack of it in mine.

Here's a little taste:



What is the best Terry Tate line? Favorite from that: "Well, he in for a surprise, A RUDE PAINFUL SURPRISE"



I know what your thinking, HELL YES I'm putting all of these up on here...I'm an equal opportunity hittin machine baby! That didn't make any sense but whatever...

YOU GOT MAIL BABY WOOOOOOOOO



I love when Cate and Tate are barking at each other in the break room and there are two terrified guys in between them...classic.



I hope that someone has a banner that says "Bon Boyage Bitch!" when I retire

After that guy wins Solitaire and Terry DRILLS HIM, I got to thinking...being a stunt double for all of these commercials 1) would be the worst job in the world 2) might be the reason they stopped filming these commercials. I seriously would not be surprised if they couldn't get anyone to take the hits anymore.

I've never even seen this one...Pro Bowl special BABY



You can't walk away from a K22 paper jam baby WOOOOO

NFL Fantasy Files

You know when you see a commercial that you know just isn't humanly possible? Or at least it's got to be so tough that they took 8 million takes of it just to get one good take...

Well these commercials are driving me nuts. Logical explanation would say "none of these are real," I definitely think some of these are.


Check em out:

Chris Chambers - I already put this up, but I would be too lazy to scroll down too, so here you go.



Insane. Not only is it insane, but that is definitely humanly possible. That light goes off in my head that says "hey dude, that is probably doctored by the nerds in the AV dept," but it's definitely humanly possible. REAL

Chris Cooley - This one is awesome. I don't know if it's humanly possible because I don't have an extensive history with dry wall, but I think a football player would be able to punch his fist through it. Whether or not his agent would let him do this and jeopardize his health makes me think this is completely fake.



Can someone with experience with this fill me in? NOT REAL

Jason Campbell - I might put the Redskins on top of the NFC East with all of these unbelievable videos they have of their players.



This is DEFINITELY possible, but is it real here? I would say it's definitely doctored. After both of the balls hit, the ball on the right looks shady as hell. Look at it again and watch the ball on the right. The thing that bothers me about this one is how confident he is about it, like he does this every day at the end of practice to make himself feel better about all of the interceptions he threw to the second team defense. NOT REAL

Marques Colston - Very do-able, but incredibly impressive.



The first catch he does behind his back, I do that stuff all the time. Granted it's not from an automated thrower that's throwing balls at 800 m.p.h. but I would error on the side that most people can catch balls behind their back. The second ball is a completely different story. It's definitely possible for him to catch it. It's also entirely possible that they had a ball go by his hand and then put a frame of him with a ball right afterwards. I don't know, you be the judge. NOT REAL

Lawrence Maroney - Hilarious.



Obviously this is fake, but what an awesome idea. Can you imagine what kind of damage you would do to yourself if you actually tried to do this. I think there's a 50/50 chance you would be in a wheelchair for the rest of your life. NOT REAL

Braylon Edwards - This one is kind of lame.



They put the sound of an automated thrower in the background, but they are really just tossing them to him. Plus you don't even know if that bandanna is see through. Granted this isn't a freaking magic show, they don't need to show you all of this stuff before they do it; still...laaaaaame. This obviously affected my decision to put the Browns below the Steelers. REALLY LAME

Andre Johnson -



This one is obvious. They cut out a small segment while he was running. Unless Andre Johnson ran a 3.2 40 in the middle of that run, it just isn't possible. NOT REAL

Mike Nugent - All of you OSU fans can take pride in this one being the most impressive video.



I suppose they could be pulling cords behind the trash cans to make them all fall over but it looks legit to me. Considering your shitty running game, don't worry Mike Nugent, I did pick you. REAL

David Akers - Totally Legit, I do this with a soccer ball all the time. REAL




Neil Rackers - I'm a little skeptical of this one. NOT REAL



It's possible, yes. If you seriously think I believe Neil Rackers can do this, you are insane. He's like 40 yards out hitting balls off of the uprights...GET OUT OF HERE. No way is this real.

AND THE TOP REASON ALL OF THESE ARE FAKE....DRUM ROLL PLEASE

Chris Simms -



Chris Simms, you can't hit a receiver running down the sideline, let alone a cart driving around the field. Now that I think about it, maybe you have had a lot of time to practice the timing of that considering you lost your job to Jeff Garcia, god your a loser. NOT REAL

NFC Seattle, I mean West

Since it's 10:45 at night and I need to get to bed for work tomorrow I figured I would allow myself to do the easiest division in the NFC.

Don't think it's that bad? Seattle has a .651 winning percentage over the last 4 seasons combined. The closest team in the division to that mark is the St. Louis Rams who are a whopping 25-39 over the past 4 seasons, that's .391. Don't worry, I didn't know it was that bad either.

1) Seattle Seahawks -

This Seattle team is not amazing, but they are good enough to win their division. Their defense is strong and their offense will score enough to win games.

Seattles offense has a lot of question marks right now. Bobby Engram and Deion Branch are both out until at least the fourth week, who's going to step up? Julius Jones has never been a 1st tier running back, can he do it in Seattle? If he can't, can Maurice Morris handle the workload? Hasselback is going to come into the season without playing in any preseason games because of injury, is he going to be rusty the first couple of games?

They do however have one great question. Is Walter Jones a 1st ballad or second ballad hall of famer. Seattle's line is solid and should hold them through any sort of rust problems they have in the beginning of the year to get them a division win.

Big ? : Play makers - RB Julius Jones and Maurice Morris as well as Deion Branch and Bobby Engram...can they stay healthy and give Seattle enough production to be a legit super bowl contender?

2) Arizona Cardinals -

Kurt Warner is at the helm again, which believe it or not is good for this team. Leinart hasn't showed that he is ready to be a starter and until he does, Warner gives them the best chance to win. I mean Fitz and Boldin should be able to make any QB look like a hall of famer, how could you mess that up?

Arizona has a powerful passing game and an abysmal running attack. They brought in Edge in his prime and he still couldn't muster over 4.0 yards a carry. Watch them this year, it's amazing how bad they are at getting a push at the line.

Defense is surprisingly improving slowly. Adrian Wilson is a fun safety to watch play and whenever he gets the ball he can go the distance. The, hopefully maturing, ability of Alan Branch should help the middle and the experience of Clark Haggans should help their linebacking core.

Plus, when you draft this guy it's gotta help right?




Who knows, we'll find out...

Big ? : Kurt Warner - Can he stay healthy, not fumble the ball six times a game, distribute the ball to Boldin and Fitz and resist the temptation to quit this all and go back to bagging groceries?

3) San Francisco 49ers -

I could be wrong on this one, but as of right now I feel pretty good about it. Martz is now in San Fran, installing his high scoring offense with J.T. O'Sullivan at the helm. I know, I know no one knows who this guy is, but he's looked really really really good in preseason. That means diddly squat to the normal fan, but it's enough to put them over the Rams.

The big reason I'm picking the 49ers is that their defense has looked great. They signed Takeo Spikes to help Patrick Willis in the LB core and their line seems to be holding the running to a minimum. I don't know, I just think they are better than the Rams.

Big ? : O'Sullivan - If this kid can show that he understands the system, watch out. Vernon Davis and company could have HUGE years, and they might go over .500. If he doesn't, it will be another normal year for the 49ers...under .500

4) St. Louis Rams -

How bad are the Rams this year?

Here's how I see them doing

@ Phi - Big Loss
NYG - Loss
@ Sea - Loss
Buffalo - Loss (I'm telling you this Buffalo team is good)
@ Was - Close game, depends if Portis shows up, he could win it on his own...
Dallas - haha
@ NE - HAHA
Arizona - Probable loss

Ok this is getting old. They stink. Their offense is powered by a beast in Steven Jackson, and two old stars Marc Bulger and Tory Holt. They will be able to put up some points, but not enough. Their defense is horrible. They gave up 24+ points or more ( including 30+ 6 times ) 11 times last season. In case you were wondering, their offense topped 24 points three times. That is NOT a good equation.

Big ? : Steven Jackson - Can he stay healthy? If he can't, kiss this team goodbye.

Marc "The lightweight" Bulger is also a huge factor in this teams success, he can't stay healthy to save his life, which is nearly over considering he is 90. If he gets hurt, BRING ON TRENT GREEN! God this team is horrible.

I heard this jingle was written about STL fans...

God Bless Customer Service...

If you were in the customer service industry, calls like this make your day. Some farmer flips his shit southern style about Jimmy Dean sausage lowered it's package size from 16 oz. to 12 oz. but kept the same price. This gets better and better as it goes on so make sure to listen to the whole thing.




If it doesn't let you play the whole thing, here's the link to the page...

http://consumerist.com/consumer/audio/devoted-customer-upset-jimmy-dean-downsized-sausage-16oz-to-12oz-but-charges-same-price-322223.php

AFC West

I don't think there is a division quite as polarized as this one. The two top teams are pretty good and the two bottom teams suck harder than a shop vac with a fresh filter. I think I can pretty much guarantee the winner of this division, barring a miraculous diabetes recovery. So here we go...

1) San Diego Chargers -

This team almost made it to the Super Bowl last year, beating the almighty Colts (in Indy) with a bum-knee QB, eventually falling to the Pats 21-12. If Rivers is healthy, they probably wouldn't have even beat the Pats because I'm sure the Cortisone shot he had before the game messed his head up and actually made him play well.

All that being said, we all know what the strength of this team is, it's how everything else works that matters. Well they made an acquisition last year that I think might help them, Chris Chambers. Don't believe me? I saw this last night on NFL network and I think it might be worth at least one come from behind victory against the Steelers.





Impressive eh? Yeah, that's what I thought too. Let's be serious, unless Ryan Torian goes buck wild and Denver somehow wins 13 games this season (with their top receiver out for four of them) I don't even need to defend this selection.

Big ? : LT - His power is stronger than your power, his quick is so quick that it smells like french toast. I don't think anyone in America knew what that meant, but after he said it, French Toast is comparable to Usain Bolt.

2) Denver Broncos -

Denver has a lot going for them this year and I'm going to say up front that they are one of my wild card picks for the AFC. This team has the makings of a playoff contender: an extremely efficient running game, a quarterback (granted he is recovering from diabetes) with a rocket arm, a budding stud WR with spousal abuse problems and a solid defense.

The only problem that Denver could have is letting up more points than they score.

Big ? : Brandon Marshall - Can he finally turn into a top ten receiver? Probably not this year because of his four game suspension for beating women. However if he can grab 100 yards five times this year and grab 8 TD's over the rest of the year he will be thought of like one.

3) Oakland Raiders -

This team is not bad. They also aren't too good. They have legit talent at QB and RB but lack the cohesiveness to turn that into anything, at least in my eyes. Jamarcus should be an interesting quarterback to watch, but he has no one to throw to. Darren McFadden isn't the starting running back right now, but he will be by the end of they year and he should take some heat off of Jamarcus' shoulders. Oakland's defense is actually more solid than most think, it's just always playing with an offense that can't keep up.

Big ? : Oakland's WR - If they can get any sort of production out of anyone it would be a huge help. Russell already has a pretty good connection with their tight end, but Javon Walker is rumored to have gotten the play making ability knocked out of him when he got mugged this off-season and the rest of their receivers are below par on paper. Will someone step up, or is the mug man their only hope?

4) Kansas City -

The Chiefs bottleneck this year is going to be Brodie Croyle. If he can get more consistent and find Dwayne Bowe and co. to take some heat off of LJ they could win 7 games....maybe. Their defense lost their best player and didn't really do anything, other than drafting the man beast Glenn Dorsey to replace him. Could be a lot of wives getting beaten down in KC, watch out ladies.

Big ? : Offense - Can their offense outscore all the points their defense is going to give up? With Brodie Croyle at the helm along with the miles LJ's legs have taken over the past four years, by vote is NO.

Fuck yo couch, China

Sorry about the language mom, you did a great job raising me; that's just the only way I can think to fully express my hatred for this country right now.

China is to Olympics as Roger Clemens is to baseball. Well, not officially, but it's coming... "New news has come to light."

Despite the fact that China has produced passports stating that all of the girls are going to turn 16 this year, the IOC (International Olympic Committee) thinks they are dirty liars. They have said they are investigating further into the allegations that He Kexin is under the qualifying age of 16 with the International Gymnastics Federation.





The NY Times wrote: ( http://www.nytimes.com/2008/07/27/sports/olympics/27gymnasts.html?_r=2&pagewanted=1&oref=slogin )

"Online records listing Chinese gymnasts and their ages that were posted on official Web sites in China, along with ages given in the official Chinese news media, however, seem to contradict the passport information, indicating that He and Jiang may be as young as 14 — two years below the Olympic limit. "

In case you didn't already know, China has a history for falsifying documents. In 2000 they falsified a passport for gymnast Yang Yun. She went on to win a bronze in the uneven bars....ironic...and then later admitted she was 14 at the time and that she and her coaches lied.

As you can see, on previous posts, I've complained about it, but I think Bela Karolyi put it best:

Bela Karolyi (Former USA Men's Coach) - "These people think we are stupid...We are in the business of gymnastics. We know what a kid of 14 or 15 or 16 looks like. What kind of slap in the face is this? They are 12, 14 years old and they get lined up and the government backs them and the federation runs away. There is an age limit and it can't be controlled."

In case you STILL don't believe me, here's the evidence:


I'm taking all of this from the following page ( http://www.huffingtonpost.com/david-flumenbaum/scandal-of-the-ages-docum_b_118842.html )


Exhibit A


Here is the cached version (saved version) from google... ( http://209.85.175.104/search?q=cache:A5YfIIsOJjQJ:www.chinadaily.com.cn/olympics/2008-05/23/content_6707927.htm+site:chinadaily.com.cn+%22he+kexin%22+14&hl=en&ct=clnk&cd=1q=cache:A5YfIIsOJjQJ:www.chinadaily.com.cn/olympics/2008-05/23/content_6707927.htm+site:chinadaily.com.cn+%22he+kexin%22+14&hl=en&ct=clnk&cd=1 )


Here is the current version available ( http://images.huffingtonpost.com/2008-08-14-exhibitB2.jpg )



Exhibit B


China Digital Times found this article and went ahead and translated it for us... ( http://chinadigitaltimes.net/2008/08/another-olympic-secret-how-old-is-he-kexin/ )


Exhibit C


This is in Chinese ( http://209.85.215.104/search?q=cache:lKKNqX5NgnwJ:www.sport.chengdu.gov.cn/escpecial/detail.asp%3FEventClassID%3D030308%26ID%3D28022+http://www.sport.chengdu.gov.cn/escpecial/detail.asp%3FEventClassID%3D030308%26ID%3D28022&hl=en&ct=clnk&cd=1&gl=us&client=firefox-a )

It states that ( http://big.assets.huffingtonpost.com/exhibitD.jpg) she is 14.


Exhibit D

This story goes into a ton more about other members of the team...but it's from a blog so who knows:
( http://gatewaypundit.blogspot.com/2008/08/busted-china-caught-cheating-female.html )


It's sad this is going to be the story of the Olympics. This country should be ashamed of itself, putting these young girls in this position. In good news, if all of this turns out to be true, the U.S. wins team gold (Alicia Sacramone is forgiven) and Nastia wins gold in uneven bars. It will be interesting to see how this turns out, I'll keep you updated...

AFC North

The AFC North has to play the AFC South and the NFC East this year. What does that small statement say? Well in the words of all of the coaches, "Oh shit." It can easily be argued that the AFC North, AFC South, and NFC East are three of the toughest divisions in football. All of them are capable of easily putting two teams into the playoffs, and in some cases three.

So what does all of that gibberish mean? There are going to be some depressed teams in these three divisions. The team that's going to be ok with the ups and downs, ok with being 5-5 after ten games, is going to end up winning this division. This is more a question of emotional stability than talent.

1) Pittsburgh Steelers -

The Steelers are still the team to beat. It's incredibly close, but they are still the team to beat. What's the reason? Emotional stability. The Steelers franchise has as much talent as any team in this division, but they have the confidence that no other team has.

The biggest question this team has is the line. Faneca going to the Jets was a HUGE loss for the Steelers, why they didn't put a franchise tag on him is beyond my comprehension. However, adding Mendenhall gives them a big, make that very big, back to make up for Willie's statistically weak 2 TD's last year. Along with that, Santonio Holmes is poised for a breakout season, (grab him in your fantasy leagues) leading the league in YPC last season with 18.2. If he gets a few more balls a game this season, watch out.

Big ? : Physical Play: The Steelers biggest loss this season was the Browns biggest focus this year. They lost a lot of weight up front and they might actually need Casey "Big Snack" Hampton (On PUP for being fat) to give them that physical prowess back. If they struggle in controlling the line against anyone, could be HUGE problems.

2) Cleveland Browns -

I know everyone thinks "THIS IS THE YEAR" in C-Town, it's going to be tough. The beginning of the season is going to be SO important for this team. The first two games are at home but they are against two tough teams in Dallas and Pittsburgh. If they come out of those first two games 2-0 they are winning the division, 1-1 who knows, 0-2 they are finishing third in the division. Why? EMOTION.

This team had a great year last year, no one can deny that. If they lose their first two games they are going to start doubting themselves. Then a fragile team wanders into a game in Baltimore that is way more tough than people believe (Lost to NE by three at the whistle, Cleveland by three late and beat Pittsburgh). Watch out, this could be a roller coaster.

3) Cincinnati Bengals -

Once again, emotion plays a huge roll in this teams record. The Bengals could find themselves in unfamiliar territory after four games, 3-1. Which could put them at the top of the division. Then they play Dallas with Chris Henry back from suspension, makes for an interesting game 5. The big thing with this team has never been talent, it has always been living up to the hype. Oh, and keeping up with all of the points that their defense gives up. Sky's the limit Cinci...prove me wrong.

Big ? : Defense - Hold it together to around 20 points a game and you, my friends, are going to the playoffs.

4) Baltimore Ravens -

Their defense is getting older, their starting QB is Troy Smith and Willis McGahee just had "cleanup," surgery on this knee...

Yeah, I'm sure he'll be fine.

Big ? : Ray Rice - You're going to be playing a lot as a rookie, hope you're ready.

AFC South

Ahh the almighty AFC South. On a side note, how does Indy geographically fit in this division? Was the NFL just too lazy to change their division after they moved from Baltimore? I digress...

1) Jacksonville Jaguars -

That's right, you heard it here first. I seriously think Jacksonville finally has the fire power and stability to overtake the almighty Colts and take over this division. David Garrard did a fantastic job leading this offense after the Jags officially tossed Byron Leftwich into the dumpster. He is going to keep the trend going if the Jags expect to make me look like a genius. He has proven completely capable of completing short passes and has also shown a Cunningham-esque running ability when he needs it. Oh yeah, the Jags also happen to have the best one two punch in the league with Jones-Drew and Taylor in their backfield.

They couldn't overtake Indy last year, but they kept the same defensive core and improved it when they drafted pass rush in the draft. They also improved the targets for Garrard with DJ Hackett and might be better off with dope smokin Matt Jones on the side line.

All this being said, I chose Jax because I think the division is going to fall into their lap.


Big ? : Garrard - Doesn't have to do much. He needs to continue completing the passes the running game gives him and to be a stable leader in the backfield. That's not too hard right?

2) Indianapolis Colts -

I just don't think Indianapolis can hold it together this year. The following are all big health concerns: Marvin Harrison (being 80), Peyton Manning (knee surgery), Dwight Freeney(foot surgery), Bob Sanders (shoulder surgery). Last time I checked, those are four of the top five players on their team (Addai being the fifth).

Granted if Harrison comes down with something again, I think Wayne, Gonzalez and Dallas Clark can probably pick up the slack, they did it last year.

However, Peyton is just screaming at me this year. It's his first major surgery on his body since coming into the league and as of yesterday (Five weeks and two days after surgery) Peyton is still not practicing and still seems to be walking gingerly on his leg.




You're going to tell me that when he comes back, that none of the defenses (Chicago, Minnesota, JAX 2X, SD, GB, NE, PIT) are going to eat up his knee after sacking him?

"Hi Sports room, put me down for $100 on Jacksonville to win the division, thanks."


Big ? : Manning - Imagine the Colts without a healthy Peyton Manning. Yikes.



3) Tennessee Titans -

I think Houston and Tennessee are basically going to have the same record. Reason being, the Titans didn't do squat to help Vince Young and he needs all the help he can get.

Vince Young is an amazing athlete, don't get me wrong...but I don't think he is a good quarterback. If you just thought "he is a good quarterback," he had 9 TD's and 17 int's last year, you're an idiot.

The Dolphins scored more freaking touchdowns last year than the Titans did last year. I might update this and put the Texans above them later...


Big ? : V. Young - This guy somehow wins games every year, but their success is going to coincide with his ability to throw balls into NFL coverages. I can't understand why he isn't getting better with pictures like this getting out every off-season.



4) Houston Texans -

Things holding back the Texans:
A) Matt Schaub is their starting quarterback, I don't know if I would take him or Vince Young first.

B) They have no legit #1 threat running back. Currently they have two new RB's trying to grab the starter role (Slaton and Chris Brown). Not to mention they are both trying to learn an offense that is pretty complex...Kubiak's zone blocking scheme.

C) Their defense isn't all that good outside of Mario Williams and Dameco Ryans.


Big ? : Slaton/Brown - The whole success of this offense is going to based on how quickly these two pick up the blocking scheme from their previous team/college. If they do so quickly, watch out, this team could easily pass TEN and find itself in the hunt for a wild card spot.

I usually don't do this...

Lupe's Superstar remix is DISGUSTING...so check it out for a few minutes. This isn't the video, it's just the first one I could find, so my apologies for the video not coordinating with the song at all.



Aren't you happy you did that?

AFC East

1) New England Patriots - I hate all of the Boston titles just as much as everyone else, but it's going to be next to impossible for them to lose their conference. New England could possibly lose 4 games this season (@ SD, PIT, @ IND, @ SEA) I don't see anyone in their conference winning 12 games.

Big ? : Tom Brady's health, he's out for up to three weeks and this division is wide open...

2) New York Jets - Even though they signed Brett Favre recently, I was still tempted to put Buffalo. I have to think that Brett Favre just added at least four wins to this teams record. I remember watching two games in particular last year that were lost because the QB couldn't put the ball in the receivers hands. You throw in Faneca, who improves their offensive line and this team could be incredibly dangerous.

Big ? : Thomas Jones - now has Brett Favre to put his team up in games, can he be the man to pound it out on the ground...and put more than one ball in the end zone...

3) Buffalo Bills - This team is going to surprise a lot of people this year. I'm not saying that they are going to win their division this year, I'm not saying they are going to win ten games, but they are going to surprise you. This team is a lot better than most people think, and they have a brutal running game. Marshawn Lynch is tied for Marshawn Lynch as the games toughest runner whom both love to lower their head and hand out concussions. On top of that, Trent Edwards has been ecstatic with the maturity of James Hardy (6'5" WR from Indiana). If he continues to improve the Bills could have the speed (Lee Evans) to go deep, and the height to corner it in the end zone. I will say it again, don't underestimate this team, they could surprise you.

Big ? : Trent Edwards progression as an NFL QB as well as his growth with Evans, Parrish and Hardy.

How can you not love Marshawn Lynch? DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMN

4) Miami Dolphins - I think every person in the US could predict the Dolphins losing their division, Parcells is trying to get a high draft pick anyways right? Although Pennington is going to add a little competitiveness to this team, it's all about growth this season. Growth of Williams back into his pre-Tibetan self, growth of Ginn Jr. into an actual receiver, growth of Chad Henne into their QB of the future.

Big ? : Ricky Williams - If he can create some stability in that backfield, this team could easily win 6 games...don't expect anything more.

I don't know what division I'm going to do next, but I guess I will do all of the divisions and then do the playoffs after that. Two posts in two days, watch out.

NFL

I'm going to start giving my rundown of the the NFL soon, just give me a chance to have a slow day at work...

Olympic thoughts

I can't believe I haven't written anything on these Olympics yet, but if you've been in the Himalayas for the past two weeks, here's an overall update and my pointless rants about it.



China is winning in overall golds we are winning in overall medals - Of course they are winning in gold medals, they have 8 bagillion people. On top of that, they choose all of their athletes when they are four and make them live a life solely surrounding training for the Olympics. (I read it on Fox News so it has to be true.) Congrats China, try winning that many medals with 1/4 of your population. If we could afford to have people focusing on lame things like team archery, table tennis, synchronized diving and judo, I'm sure we would be beating your ass. I feel like there should be a medal tracker for events people actually care about (ie: swimming, volleyball, running, basketball, baseball, soccer, gymnastics), because the US would dominate that puppy.

(Update: It seems like whenever China and the US face off, we either a) get screwed or b) have some incredibly shady judging let China win...I'm getting tired of it, can we threaten them with economic sanctions?)



China is also winning in producing fake passports for its' gymnasts - This was the most ridiculous thing I think I have ever seen. I understand that China has spent 40 billion on these Olympics and only 10 billion on their healthcare but give me a break...every one of these girls were missing teeth. Per a very reliable source, humans usually lose their teeth around the age of thirteen. You, China, should be ashamed of yourselves. Our girls busted their asses out there and despite Sacramone's two faulters we still almost beat you. Give yourselves up, you gutless cowards...



Tell me you think this girl is 16...


NO


FRIGGIN


WAY




That girl looks 12, maybe thirteen. (My apologies that all of their missing teeth are strategically placed on the right side of their mouths.) Granted, China should be credited with having the most talented 13 year old gymnasts in the world to be fair...I think it's a legit trade off.


Alicia Sacramone - This girl has been all over the news since the team gymnastics and I have never been happier. Everyone keeps writing that she cost our gymnastics team an overall gold. Well that's fine everyone, Can we just forgive her? She is hot as hell and has an awesome youtube video of her knocking out some guy



Oh, that's not her you say? Choke on this one big guy...or girl...




God how hot is she? For the record she is 21...so stop thinking I am a pedafile. This dude who interviews her is the biggest loser in the entire world:

"Is there any event you just need to like...rock...to be selected."

Way to go bud...ESPN HERE WE COME!

Michael Phelps is a freak - He topped Mark Spitz with eight gold medals won. This is unreal what we have had the pleasure of seeing. EIGHT. Eight gold medals, seven world records.

If you have to look at two of these record breaking runs, the relays were definitely the most impressive. The best comeback in Olympic history isn't up on youtube but here's an explanation of what happened...thanks NY Times for being so boring.






The other relay was amazing for an entirely different reason. the 4 X 200 relay broke the world record by 7 seconds. That is UNHEARD OF in swimming. It's the equivalent of breaking the 100 meter dash by .75 seconds, it just doesn't happen.


Beach Volleyball looks fun - I was watching beach volleyball down in D.C. with my buddy Jim and we both made the same comment at the same time. "I wish I could play more beach volleyball." Maybe we are the only two men in the U.S. that thought this at that moment, but I'm going to say that we weren't the only two. I think the U.S. is going to see a big spike in volleyball sales in the next year or so, find the market share leader and buy it up.

Hahahaha

That "Proud to be a Buckeye" video never gets old...what a loser.

Those two photos of Alli also never get old...priceless

On Vacation

So, I might have picked the worst time to revitalize the old blogging thing considering I'm on vacation. I have a few minutes right now though so let me blah blah about life right now...

Before I get into this, I need to put something out there: I've been really blessed as far as vacations go. I have a great family that loves going on vacations together. It's a great way for us to spend quality time together, which considering where we all are in life is a little tough at times. So if I seem pumped by lame things, get over it, I had fun and that's all that matters. So far we've been on some pretty awesome vacations to Cancun, Hawaii, Puerto Rico recently and we are currently on our latest adventure.

The family and I are in Punta Cana, Dominican Republic. Here's a picture of where we are staying...

Awesome looking right? The beach is way more populated with palm trees. (They must have taken that picture 10 years ago)

UPDATE: Here's what I'm talking about...

I'm loving the laying on the beach bit, it's great. I get to read a few books, get a tan, jam out to some tunes, how can you not enjoy that?

Here are a few highlights (videos and pictures will be uploaded as soon as I get home and I can do so, consider this an outline of things to come)

Lots of retarded sibling humor:

The infamous Paige "sup vid" Iversen video: This is a look into what it's like being in the same room as Paige for a week...
The Iversen trio "I'll show you 'all-inclusive' liquid diet day" pics
Iversen's recreation of the Trevi fountain in the middle of their fountain

A ridiculous "host of activities" who's entire vocabulary is limited to:

"whooooo ha ah ah ah ah ah" (picture count chocula from the cereal commercials)
"ooo la la"
"woop wooping" like bub rub and lil sis...

I really can't emphasize this enough, literally every song or break in action he does all three of these sounds. He's like a Dominican Energizer bunny.

Vacation Stuff:

banana boats, coconut tossing, spiking volleyballs into little kids faces, teaching the windsurfing instructors how to actually windsurf, sailing, all the joys that come with eating vacation food and then realizing you'll stick to bread and fruit, blah, blah, blah...good times

So that's all for now, I'll randomly be updating this with pics and videos.

Update: I never get tired of this feature on my camera...

A little taste of my week...

THINGS GOING THROUGH MY HEAD RIGHT NOW:
- My job is great, I can't wait to get the courage to quit
- What is your life's footprint going to look like when your 75
- Is the U.S. for me?
- 65 year old women on vacation in DR should really wear tops, and not wear thongs....or two pieces
- Hot woman sitting to my left every day shall have no such limitations (I'm a male, get over it.)
- If life sucks when you are 40, you should move to a beach and open a bar