If you're like me...

...you woke up really pissed off this morning knowing that, because of the assholes running Comcast, in order to watch the Cowboys-GB game tonight you have to walk down to a towny-ridden bar and buy beers from over weight bar tenders. The only thing that would piss me off more is waking up next to this girl...





Fuck you Comcast, I hope your accounting staff starts smoking joints with you balance sheets.

If you travel a lot for work, you may want to watch this video I just was forwarded in an email...


Thursday Night Thread GB @ Dallas (-7)

Non-stat related:
Green Bay is blowing my mind...Brett Favre is tied for fourth in the league with 22 touchdowns, which is fine but you would expect 29 interceptions...you would find 8. They are the youngest team in the league but have apparently come together around Grizzly Adams Favre and Chucky Woodson.

Dalas is so relaxed about everything on and off the field it makes me think that they are in that zone where all they aren't thinking about anything, just playing the game. When you hear interviews from Super Bowl winners after the fact, they usually talk to their demeanor during the season as something similar to the Cowboys right now...no the cowboys aren't going to win the Super Bowl...I'm just trying to not make a point. I think they can beat anyone in the NFL. (They could probably beat the Patriots once out of five contests)

Stat related:
Green Bay is 18th and 13th against the pass and run respectively, but 6th in pts allowed. I'm thinking that relates somewhat to a tough red zone defense. Interesting thing I just checked out, 11 of Romo's last 12 TD's were over 20 yards. Dallas is number two in Offense and Green Bay is number three, both have fantastic passing games and decent defenses. Only difference is Green Bay has a lack of a running game and Dallas doesn't. However, Dallas gives 70% of its yards through the air which is Green Bay's specialty.

Prediction:
I heard a great point this morning on Mike and Mike in the morning; "Brett Favre hasn't been under a lot of stress in terms of having to win games." Oh like when Favre threw two touchdowns in the fourth quarter to beat San Diego by seven, or when Favre threw one of the most impressive passes I have ever seen in OT to win at Denver. Yeah, good point. I'm thinking Brett Favre has three touchdowns and an INT on the way to his winless streak continuing in Texas.

Dallas wins because of Romo's pre-game speech about how he hates Wisconsin in the winter time

Iversen wakes up, realizes he is bad at making NFL Picks

I took a look at my picks this week and I'm starting to believe that I may be the Billy Madison of making NFL picks against the spread.



You are all dumber, and hopefully not poorer, from reading those picks and may god have mercy and my soul.

Hopefully I can pick my head out of my ass and make some good picks. In my defense, I lost the Denver game because Mike Shanahan didn't realize that the only offense Chicago has is Devin Hester (everyone fucking knows that, come on). I also lost the Pittsburgh game that was played on the worst field conditions I have ever seen, causing the horrible Dolphins to somewhat stay in the game (side note: hilarious that Ricky Williams is out for the year)







I should have, however, realized that Eli Manning has as much talent at throwing the football as Urkel had at laying pipe to the winslow daughters. I suck, but at least I'm not named Eli.

NFL Week 12 picks and the games I would actually bet on

• Tennessee (-2) @ Cincinnati

Cincy has looked decent in it's last two games, specifically because of the return of Chris Henry. Tennessee is not an amazing team on paper, and if you look at their wins (Jax, NO, ATL, Hou, Oak, Car) they've only beaten good team (JAX) and that was when the human bowling ball still had his head up his ass. Believe me, I know how bad Cincy is, but I just think with Henry back in the lineup the Cincy crowd will get a Thanksgiving treat from the bungles.

• Buffalo @ JAX (-9)

Jacksonville is too physical for Buffalo on offense, MJD should have a big day against a bills defense ranked 31st in the league. Lynch is out with an ankle injury which severely hinders the Bills ability to not lose yards on every play. Buffalo is a team that can surprise a lot of teams but I just don't see it happening this week.

• Choakland @ KC (-5)

I would usually pick KC @ home, but I have this to think about: LJ is out, Priest Holmes decided it wasn't worth dying to play football, and the Chiefs used their hindsight to trade Michael Bennett to Tampa earlier this year. This all equates to Kolby Smith, a rookie from Louisville lining up as the Chiefs RB. The Raiders are talking about possibly putting Jamarcus into the game this week which would be interesting. The bottom line is I'm picking a good defense at home because both offensive lineups suck.

• Houston @ Cleveland (-3.5)

This game scares me a little..did you know Houston has the 8th ranked offense in the league? Yeah me neither, nor did I know that they have the 6th best passing attack in the league. Now that Andre Johnson is back (120yds + TD last week) I think he is going to have a huge game against a horrible Browns defense.

• Seattle (-3) @ STL

Seattle has two wins against San Fran and a win against Cincinnati and STL when they sucked. I think the Seahawks get introduced to the Rams who actually play Jackson and Bulger and get beat by 7.

• Vikings @ Giants (-8)

Look for the Giants to air it out against the Vikings for two reasons, their backfield is banged up and Minnesota's pass defense blows. If you have Eli Manning, as much as I hate him because he is related to Peyton, you should play him against any defense that lets up 300yds through the air per week. There are two questions surrounding if this game will be close or not: 1: Is Purple Jesus playing & 2: Will the Giants stack 11 in the box to stop Minnesota? Everyone knows Minnesota sucks ass at passing, but if there is any coach who could pull a Norv Turner and keep 7 in the box against this team it's Tom Coughlin...By guess is Spagnuolo puts 9 in the box and the Giants beat them by 10.

• Saints (-3) @ Panthers

Let it be known that this is probably the most unpredictable game of the week. New Orleans is so inconsistent that I could see them winning this game by 30 or losing it by thirty, against the Panthers. The Panthers are horrible, how horrible? They have one of the best wide receivers in the NFL, a decent running game and they've lost four straight and they're praying that a 44 year old QB is going to be healthy enough to start for them. On top of that, there is word around the team that Matt Moore could see playing time if David Carr struggles at all...who the f is Matt Moore?

• Redskins @ Bucs (-3.5)

I hate the Redskins

• 49ers @ Cardinals (-11)

The Cardinals are tough at home (3-1), playing against a team that I think might lose to the dolphins. I can't see the 49ers being closer then 2 TD's

• Denver @ Chicago (-1)

Rex Grossman is back in the saddle. Perfect timing against one of the better secondaries in the league, let the booing commence. Interesting Note, Andre Hall is going to be starting for the Broncos today so keep an eye on him fantasy wise.

• Baltimore @ SD (-9)

Steve McNair is out for this game, which most likely helps the Ravens...that's how bad they are. On a positive note, Ed Redd and Samari Rolle have been practicing this week and it looks like they'll play. I still don't think they will help a defense which has been giving up 30 points a game over their last three. Norv Turner, don't mess this up.

• Eagles @ Pats (-25)

Pats at home against a McNabbless Birds squad, not by 25 points...they aren't the Bills.

• Dolphins @ Steelers (-16)

Do I really need to defend this game? The Steelers walked into the Jets game thinking all they had to do was show up to win, I don't think that will happen this week...Joey Porter's back in town.

My Bets of the Week:

Teaser - JAX, Giants, Cardinals

Teaser - Cleveland (Over 46), Cardinals, SD, Pittsburgh [3:1 payout]

Thanksgiving Day Lines

First off, I love that the NFL has treated us once again with an entire turkey day of football action. Secondly, how happy are you that T.O. never gets to enjoy Thanksgiving while he is playing for the Cowboys, what a jackass.

• Green Bay (-4) @ Detroit

I know an away team favored is usually solmewhat of a trap game to bet on, but I really like Green Bay in this one. Main reason is Detroits pass defense is 30th and Green Bay's pass offense is 2nd in the league. Also, Detroit hasn't won a Thanksgiving game since 2003 and Green Bay has the last five last games against the spread, sounds good to me. The over is sitting @ 47 and if I had to, I would parlay Green Bay and the over.

• NYJ @ Cowboys (-14.5)

I know all of the Jets fans are pumped because they pulled one on the Steelers last week, but I don't think that's happening again. They played a team last week that walked into New York thinking they were going to snag a win just by showing up. Cowboys roll on the Jets, T.O. scores five touchdowns...

• Indianapolis (-12.5) @ Atlanta

Jesus Christo what the fuck happened to the Colts, lost two straight against the spread and have been very unimpressive if you ask me. Too bad Atlanta fuckin blows, you'd have to conjure up a pretty impressive pre-game story for me to not see Indy winning by two touchdowns.

Keepin it Real

If you remember Mr. Rodgers neighborhood, you probably have the same warm fuzzy feeling this guy ( http://view.break.com/333231 ) had when he walked into his first date. The weird thing is that all of your memories of the show were when you were a little kid, you didn't realize how creepy a lot of the stuff he did/said really was. My buddy Wes had this video on his page and I was stunned at how awkward sharing a kiddie pool full of warm water with another grown man could actually be...

Holy Crap

No words can explain how hard I've been laughing since I heard this...props to Staci..you hear me

Dipset for life...

If you haven't seen the NO HOMO video, do so now, it's as awesome as a pair of big boobs. If you need some sort of inspiration to watch it, just know that Cam'ron is an avid user of the phrase from the clip...you probably know him from the songs "fuck you" "we on some shit" "I'm a chicken head," and also from his self made movie about a high school basketball star who grows into a cocaine kingpin in which people openly take shits on newspaper to show how they smuggled heroin into the country...who's better than Cam'ron? Everyone, that's who.

In the words of my buddy Jon, Cam'ron stinks more than Ken Caminiti's corpse...

So I've been checking out oldschool WWF video's

...A) because it was Savage's birthday yesterday and B) because I felt like a douche for not putting up the best warrior video ever. If you haven't seen this, it's fucking unreal.

Come on in, where nightmares are the best part of my day



I also wanted to put up some of these Hogan gems...







and since we're at it, Mr. T might be the most standup guy on the planet, takes out ten minutes from his workout routine to give Letterman an interview...



I really need to do something with my life outside of looking up shit on youtube.

Happy Birthday Macho Man Randy Savage!

Congratulations to Macho Man for making it to the big double five. In his honor I've found an interview he did with WWF where he legitimately turns around 9 times, without any sort of regard for the camera...god I miss the nineties



While we're on the subject, I just wanted to let you all know...much like the Ultimate Warrior, I do not support smoking, crack or cigarettes.

Buckeye Babes

I know Michigan fans may hate the Buckeyes come this Saturday, and every Saturday... but my god, they have some hotties roamin' around that campus. Just ask the guy with his pants around his ankles in the middle of this classic:

Starbury Leaves the Knicks, Avg. IQ in Locker Room Skyrockets...

If you haven't heard Stephon Marbury talk before you are in for one of the most confusing five minutes of your life. This guy has to be either mildly retarded or he has snorted more than his fair share of cocaine. He recently went on a tear through the NBC studios, making an ass out of himself and showing why his shoes are $14.98




That isn't even the good video. Remember his sister who he said would "sit around for hours and wait for the truth?" Well he talks about "feeling her soul" while kissing her in this one...

Find more videos on www.findinternettv.com.

This is one of the best interviews I have ever listened to...

- The focus on Zach Randolph being able to shoot college 3-pointers.
- Making out with his sister.
- Saying he's going to average 10 points, 12 assists and two or three dimes.
- Stating that it's all about winning "shiny stuff" then immediately stating he only plays to win individual games, not championships.

Let me know if you guys have any other ridiculous interviews in the comments

American Gangster: Roc Boys

It's amazing how much this young kid looks like Jay. I like LJ making an appearance as well.

Ok, it's 6:50 in the morning, I'm drinking mimosa's in preperation for the Penn State - Temple game and the following video came on the tube. I may just be drunk, but over-under 3.5 STD's handed out during the shoot of this video? I'm saying T.I. passed on at least two himself...he had to be delirious to come up with the line "why you keep sayin no when yo panties so wet." FYI That's the first time I can ever remember that ever being said in the history of rap.

Best Soulja Boy video

I know, I know, I love this song too! I think I've heard it 8 million times. The University of Texas football team has apparently been voting for it non stop on TRL.


(Update: Check out # 58 on the right of the screen, he tries to get into it thinking maybe it's a new line dance, he then quickly comes to the realization that he is in fact white)

Despite the fact that this is going on in the middle of the game, it's @ UCF...a game in which they were trailing in the fourth quarter until Jamal Charles broke a 54 yard run in the fourth quarter to win it.

Stay tuned for my top 10 favorite NFL moments...

The Next Ryan Seacrest?

I've recently been introduced to, what I think might be, the best broadcast talent not currently on national television. His name's Kige Ramsey, and his insightful opinions and "southern gentlemen" accent will leave your eyes glued to the screen. He has his own set of reports out on you tube right now that I think everyone should get a chance to check out. I give you Kige Ramsey



"If you have anorexic, go get tested."

NFL Picks for the Week

These are all Vegas Lines, my picks are bolded:

• Buffalo (-3) @ Miami

Name one player on Miami's offense that you think can win this game for them. I'll counter with Marshawn Lynch and Lee Evans (5 TD in his last 3 games @ Miami). Maybe it's time for Miami to think about bringing back Ray Finkle.

• Jacksonville @ Tennessee (-4)

This game is a tough one, Vince Young has hit a major sophomore slump this year, his top rushing performance is 54 yards and his top passing is 154, but god this kid just knows how to win. On top of that the Tennessee defense has been stellar (giving up a paltry 66 yards per game) and if David Garrard doesn't start good old Quinn Gray (who has a sparined ankle) will be throwing balls ten yards past every receiver on the field like he did against Indy two weeks ago.

Injury Note: David Garrard had a high ankle sprain two weeks ago and he practiced Wednesday he has the big Q for Sunday

• Denver @ Kansas City (-3)

Main question is can Priest Holmes light a fire under a team that averages 79.5 yards a game on the ground? If he does, this game is money in the bank at home for KC. The other question is how does Denver respond to getting the crap knocked out of them last week against Detroit 44-7. Bottom line is KC's ground game is HORRIBLE, they're going up against Bailey and Bly. On the other hand Denver's offense could very well be starting Ramsey and Selvin Young, get ready for a horrible game...Home team wins this one

Injury Notes: Larry Johnson out with foot injury, Jay Cutler's leg isn't broken in half...he might start, Mike Shanahan said Henry will play...some.

• Cleveland @ Pittsburgh (-9.5)

This is going to be one of two games: a close high scoring game, a blowout in the steelers favor. I'm going with the latter. Cleveland has been good thanks to the Derek Anderson/Braylon/Winslow connection, but their defense is allowing over 411 yards per game. On the other hand, Pittsburgh has a top ten offense (#2 Rushing attack), and drum roll please...the #1 D in the league. Oh yeah, forgot to mention, this season the Steelers have outscored opponents at home 122-26. Good luck Cleveland, you're going to need it.

• STL @ New Orleans (-11.5)

I'm only writing one sentence for this game, welcome to 0-9 STL.

• ATL @ Carolina (-4.5)

Vinny is going to start this week and he knows one thing, throw the ball to Steve Smith because he can win the game by himself. Atlanta sucks, I don't really have to defend this do I? On paper, this is actually a pretty close game so I'm giving the edge to the home team.

• PHL @ Washington (-3)

Philadelphia is a lost team right now, their city is blaming Donovan for all of their losses and the team continues to lose games they should be winning. If you look at the stats on paper, Philadelphia should win this game, their offense is better and their defense is only slightly worse than Washington's. An interesting thing is that Philly's starting safety Sean Considine is now out for the season and Quintin Mikell will be the new starter. Too bad Washington only runs or this might make a difference. I think momentum/home field advantage plays a huge role in this one and Washington pulls off a victory.

• Minnesota @ Green Bay (-6)

Minnesota - Can't do anything but run (30th in passing) which Green Bay can stop.

Green Bay - Can't do anything but pass, which Minnesota can't stop.

Who would have thought Green Bay would be 8-1 after nine games? Not me, I'll tell you that much.

• Cincinnati @ Baltimore (-4)

Did everyone else see Baltimore on Monday? To give you an example of how bad they were: 104 total yards on 51 plays, Steve was 16-31 for 40 yards an interception, he was sacked six times and he fumbled twice. Yeah, they were playing the best defense in football, but they were horrible. Even against the stingy Cincinnati defense I still don't think they can win. They just looked that bad. Baltimore's defense could keep this close, but I think Cincy pulls this one off. FYI: Chris Henry is also back this week.

• Chicago (-3.5) @ Oakland

Let it be known, Lane Kiffin will kick to Devin Hester. Chicago has a knack for staying in games, no matter if it's low scoring or high scoring they always somehow stay in it. I think Hester will make a big enough difference to allow Chicago to win this one.

• Dallas (-1) @ New York

Both of these defenses are mediocre, both of their offenses are loaded with offensive talent, watch out for a high scoring game. Even though Dallas on paper does have a slightly better defense I think the Giants pass rush is going to be up to the task in The Meadowlands. I give the edge to the home team in a close high scoring game. I can't believe I'm rooting for this loser

• Detroit @ Arizona (-1)

I can't believe this line, Detroit just blew out an (at the time) decent team in Denver and now they are underdogs in Arizona. I understand Fitz and Boldin can burn Detroit's secondary, but the Detroit Lions lead the league in takeaways with 24 (+8 differential) and the Cardinals are almost dead last with 9 (-9 differential). The front seven of Detroit has created seven fumbles which counts in as money against the fumble happy QB Kurt Warner, good night Arizona.

• Indy (-3.5) @ SD

Indy is going to get back on track in San Diego. Norv Turner 101: When your up seven points on a Minnesota team that has it's backup quarterback in the game and all they do is run, what should you do? Stack the box and run the shit out of L.T. is what anyone would say. Well Norv proceeded to run a 4-3, occassionally bring in eight into the box, and allow Purple Jesus to rack 296 yards rushing IN THE SECOND HALF. On top of this, L.T. rushed the ball three times in the second half. THREE TIMES? What in gods name is he thinking, bring back Marty.

• San Fran @ Seattle (-10)

San Fran, you've lost 6 straight and you've won your two games by a combined 4 points. Good thing Mike Nolan was worried about wearing suits in the off season rather than getting his team ready to play football. Don't get me wrong Seattle isn't good and Alexander is day-to-day but maybe it will help that he's out. Seattle is good enough to win by ten at home against one of the worst teams in the NFL.

Right Back At You Dantonio

Mark Dantonio is a bit upset over how Michigan handled it's win over MSU this past weekend, probably the kind of upset Michigan felt when Dantonio was quoted saying "maybe we should have a moment of silence" when asked about the state of Michigan's football team after their loss to App. State.

The following Mike Hart comment fueled some of what Mark is upset about:

"I was just laughing," Hart said after being asked how he felt when Michigan trailed by 10 points with seven minutes remaining in the Wolverines' 28-24 win. "I thought it was funny. They got excited. Sometimes you get your little brother excited when you're playing basketball, and you let him get the lead, and then you come back and take it back."

I'm happy to see Michigan begin to be a little cocky again, but it was MSU...not OSU. They have two big games (against two teams with banged up backs) to win in order to win the Big Ten and make something of this season that started in a deep state of depression.

Thanks for the laugh Chad...